Thursday, July 21, 2011

The Evolution Of My Stupidity©

It's strange to me
Has taken over my thoughts
At first I believed 
Anything was possible
And as I got 'smarter' & 'grew up' 
I did not.
"That's impossible" 
Someone would say
"Nope" just gonna take some time
My thought was
"Work hard & always believe"
And my God given light
I would always let shine.
My greatest fear was to be
Less than I possibly could be
So when did I 'grow up'
And accept mediocre me?
Stupid beliefs that are dulling my light
I release from my soul
To my dharma I march on
With joy
To that "impossible" goal

evolution - pattern formed by or as if by a series of movements
stupidity - the state, quality, or fact of being stupid
stupid - characterized by or proceeding from mental dullness; foolish; senseless
When I was a little kid I was pretty stubborn. I mean I still am but back then it was in a much different way. I remember once wanting something that was on a counter. I remember it being way out of my reach but me wanting it more than anything else in the kitchen so I set out to get it. Over and over my different attempts to secure said item failed. Or so it seemed to the one watching me:
"Mark, what do you want?"
"That Gramma"
"But it's very high - would you like me to get it?"
I'll get it.
"But it's very difficult for you."
"I know but I have to get it."
There's many examples as the one I've just mentioned where as a child difficulties between where I wanted to be & what I wanted and where I was were just temporary roadblocks as opposed to stop signs.
It seemed the older I got - the more 'grown up' I became, the more I began to believe the same roadblocks to be the end of the road instead of minor and temporary bumps on my journey to where I was going. It seemed that I, through a series of movements created a pattern of senseless beliefs and foolish limitations.
It seems I created the evolution of my stupidity.
I was a pretty smart kid.
Time to get those smarts of mine back.

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Friday, July 15, 2011

Poem - War: Me. Vs. Me

I'm in a battle
This is war
And I've got to succeed
But how do I win
When it's me vs me?
I need faith to proceed
But I've used so much to get here
And I admit I have no clue
Where I'm supposed to go from here
I swear
Sometimes I wish it wasn't so hard
Sometimes I wish I didn't care
Sometimes I wish I didn't know
That my destiny is waiting right there
Sometimes I wish I could forget
Some of the things I've seen
I mean
I know they make me who I am
And allow me to be me
And yes I shine
Of that I'm aware
And I know my path I made
Is marked for me or I wouldn't be here
But sometimes the light is dim
And the path just doesn't seem to exist
Sometimes I'm only walking
With a hope & a wish
The force is powerful
But it has two sides
Sometimes, I admit
I feel like I'm ready to dive
To the blackness
Which can exist in my soul
I get cold
When I venture into that hole
Holy crap
What's happening to me?
Sometimes I'm blind
Which means
Sometimes I can't see
And the blessings that are in front of my eyes
Don't even exist to me
Sometimes I feel invincible
Like I can only win
Sometimes I feel invisible
And my will to go is thin
Sometimes that fuels my hunger
Sometimes that fuels my drive to my fate
Other times it fuels my fear
And on occasion it's fueled my hate
Sometimes I'm blind
Which means sometimes I rely only on belief
It's Deep what we have to go through
Sometimes in order to see
A sailor is only tested
Not when the sea is calm
But when he rides through the eye of the storm
And is able to hold on
As iron sharpens iron
And great pressure creates diamonds from coal
Perseverance is my only option
Success is my only goal
I'm in a battle
This is war
And it is me vs me
But with those odds I can only win
Thank God that's the only option I see.

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Saturday, July 9, 2011

Poem - Awoken By The Alarm ©

I wake up to the blaring sound
A constant ringing
Is something is going down?
There's an alarm going off
And it's loud inside my head
Is it a five alarm blaze
Or just some kid
Playing games with the little red box
That right now I'm sure is pretty easy to see
I wonder if I should investigate
Or just go back to sleep
I remember the last time
I woke up like this
In a cold sweat
But I didn't do shit
I was awoken by the same
But instead decided to fall back asleep
Only to find out later
That flame wasn't a dream
The unthinkable
Or what I thought couldn't happen to me
Became reality once
So how do I know that this time
It really is all a dream?
Do I trust my emotions
When my heart can lie to me
Or do I ignore the smoke
And just go back to sleep?
The alarm is still ringing
But I don't feel like going outside
If there is fire where I smell smoke
Then I'll find out at some point alright
For now I'd much rather
Believe it was just a dream
And the alarm that I'm hearing
Is only in my sleep
That there is no fire
And I'm imagining the smoke
That the foundation is strong
And this alarm thing is just an over active imagination joke
So I shut down my computer
And off to bed I go
A quick prayer for strength
Humility and to continue to grow
I don't know what kind of news
The morning will have in store
But I won't waste another ounce of energy
Thinking about it anymore...


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