Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Poem - Cruel Fate©

What a cruel game
Fate plays with my mind
For it continues to give me glimpses
Of the happiness that is to be mine
Yet like a coy lover
She continues to hide from me
Beckoning me to pursue her
With my all
And freely
But what manner of freedom is this
For it is her embrace that imprisons me
Yet it is that same embrace
That I yearn for almost desperately
That moment where
She'll unlock me from my cell
That moment when
She'll release me from her spell
Even now I smell
Her sweet perfume
And it melts the ice upon my heart
Like the warm sun in June
But my freedom is made bitter
By my impending doom
For I cannot be
The ambitious version of me
When I be
Next to she
For she softens my edges
Which are rough
In fact
She is quite simply
More than enough
She quenches the fire
That fuel my desire
The ambition
Which fuels my mission
For when I'm with she
I desire to be
Nobody but
The me there with She.
Alas I cannot stay
But my heart beacons me not to leave
And I wish I could hide it
But it now dwells upon my sleeve
And as I walk away
It wills me to stay
But I am "strong"
So I go anyways
Yet as the years pass
This emotion leaves me not
And even as I grow
As I go
Whole I am not
But what am I to do
When even when I choose
It seems it's not meant to be
For she doesn't seem to...
To Love me...
What a cruel game
Fate plays with my mind
For it continues to give me glimpses
Of the happiness that is to be mine
And though I am coy in loving her
I do love indeed
But I need
More than a word here or there
Or the occasional deed
To help courage me to go
Where I have not gone before
Especially when on this path
I've already taken a blow
I've already been beaten
I've already suffered a great deal
On this unknown path of love
"Nonetheless" I say,
I will
Go to the ends of the earth
Or any where within
To gain the prize I seek
Her heart
Which I must win
But can I get in?
Or again be let in?
Or again let her in?
I mean, after the transgressions?
After the sins?...
What a cruel game
Fate plays with my mind
For it continues to give me glimpses
Of the happiness that is to be mine
Yet I don't mind
So continue on I will
Until Love has flowed abundantly
And given me my fill
Yet I know once I taste her sweet taste
Again upon my lips
My thirst will never be satisfied
Believe when I tell you this
So the cruelty which I speak about
Lies in the fact that I
Cannot get enough of her
Even if I try
Yet she is no longer mine
The guardian of her heart is no longer me
Perhaps one day
Perhaps I'll again possess that key...
What a cruel game
Fate plays with my mind
For it continues to give me glimpses
Of the happiness that is to be mine.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

"Building Life One Bottle At A Time" - A Lesson From An Unlikely Teacher.

Today I spoke with this woman. She was looking in recycling bins by my house. I asked if she'd mind telling me what she was looking for. She said liquor/beer bottles. After a brief conversation She shared She's gone through some real rough ish. I asked her why is She walking round collecting bottles from recycling bins. She said to make some doe. I again asked her why? She said she's got to do something to get going and right now this is it. I told her to wait & I'd be back. I went & grabbed some stuff & gave it to her. We shared a smile & we went on our separate paths. No fan fair, no big deal, no you should feel sorry for me. Just a thank you and then back to work she went. I know cause I watched her continue to probe recycling bins.

She doesn't realize that she just had a huge impact on my life. Why? A lesson in the power of a decision & how they always belong to us no matter the circumstance. A lesson in the power of persistence in the face of adversity. A lesson that failure is only permanent if you accept it as such.

She has decided that regardless of what she's been dealt she is going to make life on her terms, that she wasn't going to stay where she was at and that she was going to get to where she was going or die in the process. She decided to rebuild her life one bottle at a time.
Thank you Ma'am for the reminder to decide Thank you for the reminder to persist.

Thank you for the reminder that the answer to this question 'What Excuse Do I Really Have?' is none.

"I will persist until I succeed. I will never consider defeat and I will remove from my vocabuary such words and phrases as quit, cannot, unable , impossible, out of the question, improbable, failure, unworkable, hopeless, and retreat.; for they are the words of fools. I will avoid despair but if this disease of the mind should infect me then I will work on in despair.
I will toil and I will endure. I will ignore the obstacles at my feet and keep mine eyes on the goals above my head, for I know that where dry desert ends, green grass grows.
I will persist until I succeed."

Mark Sparks

Friday, March 4, 2011

Poem - Beats From My Past

I have family that raised me
Family that is still alive
That were once owned by slaves
And who lived the shackled life
Shackled lives
And in shacks for life.
So what does that mean
That I should hate the current manifestation
Of the person or people
Who's skin is the representation
Of the pain & mutilation
Of the people of my past?
Or should I let go
Of the anger
From the past
Which burns
In my present
Which threatens to
Burn up my future
Even if
It's the anger that I'm lured to
Cause anger is easy to hold to
Cause it's simple to spew hate
And takes no thought to make hurt
But to love isn't as easy
Cause to love requires change
And change takes work
And change requires risk
Which also leads to hurt
And I never know
Is the pain worth
The change worth
The reward
Worth going for
Or should I revert to the past
And look again at my past?
My great grandfather
Was beaten 'til he was bruised black
But since he was already black
They just kept beating
And though his skin was bruised
His heart kept beating
And he held his head high with pride
But they repeatedly beat him
Tried to beat out his love
Tried to beat out his pride
But what left him first
Was the beating of his heart
But his will?
They could never touch
And though
His heart physically gave up
Spiritually his heart never let up
So now it beats within me
In beats with I
So though your words
And your rules
Beat upon me
Your ways
Your hate
Won't beat within me
And you will
Nor will I
Ever beat me
Cause I will win
For the drum of defeat
Is not in me
So the beat of defeat
Beats not in me
So I choose to change to be
The best version of me
With the love of my ancestors
Beating in me
Cause the blood from their veins
Beats within me
So the pain
That comes from change
Far under weighs the reward
That makes change
And my dreams
Worth going for.