Sunday, April 24, 2011

I'm Coming Out/Movies Lie.

2 titles. One message.

I'm coming out!
My name is Mark Sparks and I am an Actor. My chosen profession leaves me with a wee more free time than most people so I am also a Conditioning Specialist. People always ask me if that means I'm a personal trainer and to keep interactions light I say yes. Usually preceded by a long "ummm". What I really do is work with people to help them gain things in their lives that they desire and deserve. With many of the men I work with (shout out to - and if you haven't seen it swing on by to see what the buzz is all about. Shameless plug, season 2 was so much fun to shoot and so enlightening) the topic that comes up most frequently is dating. Well actually the lack of dating. Which usually leads to the lack of relating or as most people call 'em relationships. My job? To help them discover the inspiration within their own souls so that they can first shine and then attract to them that which they desire - in this case relationships.
My name is Mark Sparks and I just came out.
(please email all requests for coaching to

Okay, now to the second part, Movies Lie!
I am always searching for understanding of human interaction. I am inspired by people who are able to make changes in their lives by changing their habits, actions and in turn beliefs (shout out to my home girl E!) In my search to understand my own motivation and in turn what motivates other people to take action I read countless books, travel to seminars, pay very exceptional professionals for mentorship, interview experts, host a show, watch documentaries, television and movies and speak to a lot of people face to face or via email or the phone. In my 10 year search I have concluded a few things that are true. What does this have to do with movies lying to us you ask?

Movies make us believe that life happens in 90-120minutes. Sometimes a little longer but not much. Movies make us believe that we will meet the person of our dreams, that we will instantly change from who we are to the person we desire to be with minimal effort, that we are in an instant able to dismiss all the situations and circumstances around us that make being in a relationship with our dream person impossible (read all those other guys/girls you've been 'casually' dating - whatever that means to you).
Movies lie.

Movies will have you believe that "and they live happily ever after" is it. That attaining the dream person is not only the beginning of the relationship but the only part that requires our effort. In movies the guy will jump onto runways, run in the rain, stand outside a locked window freezing or outside a locked door confessing his undying love. In the movies the woman will succumb to his romantic proclamations of love and end up in his arms. In the movies love prevails and the two hug, kiss and then the credits roll.
Movies lie

In real life, "the end" is really the beginning. In real life saying "I love you" means far less than showing it. In real life the connection, trust and respect necessary to build a lasting relating experience takes a little longer than 90-120minutes. In the movie the guy gets one shot, takes it and against all odds wins. That's probably part of why we like movies so much. It's probably also the biggest relationship lie.

Gentleman (and ladies), the awesome thing about life is that it's a marathon, not a sprint. We get more than one opportunity at 'the dream person'. In life we mess up because we don't have a team of writers to aid us in articulating our true thoughts. We don't have a director mapping out our blocking (where you need to go to make the scene work). We don't have a co-star who is there to first create drama and then fall for you at the directed and scripted time.
In life we say the wrong things, we do the wrong things and we sometimes even do the wrong people (yes I said it, we grown you know what I'm talking about). The beauty of life is that we always have another shot. And more than 90-120minutes. The truth is that too many people quit fighting for what they want - or specifically the woman (or man) of their dreams because there first attempt was brushed off. How's that for passion?
Here's something my Grandma taught me - if you want something, go out and do whatever it takes to get it. Do that from a place of love and you can't ever fail.
That's passion. But that takes patience & perseverance and if your living according to a movie you only have 90-120minutes.
Luckily life is not a movie.
Now excuse me, I've got someone to call...
Stay Blessed,

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